I’ve been back at work for a little over 2 weeks now. It has really been hard transitioning back to work.
I’ve heard that some moms feel guilty returning to work, but that isn’t how I’d describe what I’ve been feeling. I know I need to work for us to make it financially, and I’m okay with that. The thing is – I miss being at home with the babe. I just plain old miss it. Can you describe a feeling as missing? I think yes.
I miss morning snuggles and little cat naps.
I miss all the stretching, yawning, oohs & aahs.
I miss seeing his busy little hands moving around, and his tiny toes waving around.
I miss watching him watch the world around him.
I have it a lot easier than some moms. My mom takes care of the babe in our home, so we don’t have to worry about daycare. I only have a 15 minute commute, and I get to go home during lunch to nurse the babe. I am so thankful for those blessings, but it doesn’t make it any easier. The missing is still there.
It is so hard to leave in the morning and again at lunch. All I want to do is stay and play with my boy. He’s learning so much, so fast, and I wish I was there enjoying it all. I know that is an impossible wish, and I’m going to miss things along the way. It stinks.
Every step of the way, I’m telling myself that the choices I am making are ultimately going to help our family. I think you have to keep telling yourself that or it would be too easy to get down about missing everything.
Every time I have to pump, I know it is to feed my baby. Every time I get to nurse, I cherish that moment to bond and nourish his soul.
Every time I step out the door to come to work, I know it is for the purpose of taking care of our family. Every time I step in the door, I relish the sanctuary of our home, and I am thankful for all the precious time I am able to be there.
Some days it is definitely harder than others to stop and appreciate all that I have. I try to do the best I can, and sometimes all it takes is one look at my sweet baby’s face to realize I need to stop & breathe — especially when that sweet baby is looking up at his sweet daddy. That face keeps me going for days.
I love them both so much, and the hardest part of being a working mom (for me) is feeling like I don’t have the time to take them the way that I want to take care of them.
I know everything happens for a reason, and right now, the best way I can take care of my family is to go to work.
I just wish it wasn’t so hard sometimes.
And oh, the missing….I wish I didn’t have to feel the missing….